So Aaron has been diagnosed with mild to moderate sleep apnea. This involves wearing the mask hooked up to the machine while sleeping. (Imagine our fun, I know you are). Needless to say, this isn’t going to be an easy task to accomplish. He’ll wear it for fun briefly but not in the connected on mode. We have been attempting for a couple weeks to no avail. So I decide we are just going to have to try it while he is asleep. Which also didn’t work which I’ll explain why shortly.
Another mom I know is also attempting this fun feat with her own son. She posts a picture of him in his cute petite nose cover thingie-ma-bob. Hey I want that one too!!! I call the supplier 10 days ago now and request it. They say okay I’ll order It. (Me in my head thinking, well I’m not paying for it dude but you do that and take this crappy one back that we paid 300 bucks for already). Meanwhile I’m getting daily emails and texts saying we aren’t meeting our goals wearing the c-crap…yes I typed that correctly. After the other night trying to get it on him while asleep I realize we haven’t even been given a pediatric mask but a female XS. Well now, that just isn’t going to work for me. I call the company as a follow up to check on the whereabouts of my small cute nose thing. “Blah blah blah we will let you know when it’s in.” Fine!
New day, new email saying we suck, what’s up?? I email the nurse….Tell her how we are struggling and still waiting for a pediatric mask. Not that that would make us successful but who knows, it possibly could give us an edge since it may actually fit properly. I explain how we attempted to put on while asleep but it just doesn’t fit, it’s too big. Now if you made it this far, this is where it gets fun! The response the doctor gives the nurse is to tell the parent that often kids are given adult masks because they don’t have many pediatric ones available and that they are opposed to me trying to put it on him while he is asleep.
Here are his/her suggestions:
- I should let him hang out wearing it while awake and is sitting and quietly watching tv or reading a book for an hour. Hold the friggen’ phone. I know you have met him, I was there chasing him while you showed him all the important features of the machine and how to push them (amateur….show him nothing!) He was that super fast kid that ran circles around your office and graffiti’d not only my face with your marker, but yours too before you could blink!!
- After 5 days of this fresh hell, he should wear it during his regular scheduled naps. Ummm!!! Are you providing some sort of drug that will make this mythical nap occur?
- Perhaps we could allow him to decorate the machine and mask to make it more of his own….Sure. I am totally game. I would absolutely love for him to “decorate” this 1000.00 machine that you have loaned to us for 60 days. Here are some samplings if his handiwork. Still think that’s a good suggestion?!?!
Here is my suggestion:
- How bout you loan me a roll of duct tape and STFU.
Dave wants me to ask if they don’t make many types of pediatric masks or if they only make a limited supply of say like 4 a year, because if that’s the case we want all 4.
Story coming to end I promise… so for shits and giggles I wore the damn mask last night so they wouldn’t yell at me for being a loser. Yes people, it fit my big old head so you know it’s too big for little crap head Aaron but alas, I didn’t wear it long enough so I still failed and got my friendly email telling me so.
Can’t wait to read my crushing email tomorrow.
If you made it to the end, you owe me a drink! 😜🍸🍹🍷
Tune in for the next episode of The Adventures of Aaron!